Jaime: The incredibly ordinary woman?
Meet Jaime. Jaime is a 20-year old European woman born and raised for most her life in a small European town. She and her mother immigrated to the United States when Jaime was in her late teens. Her mother divorced when Jaime was still but 5-years old. Jaime’s accent is so light, that it is almost impossible for anyone to hear it when she speaks English. The only clue to her foreign heritage is the occasional odd slip in grammar. Jaime doesn’t remember much of her father except for what her mother has told her about him. They do not keep in touch and Jaime feels that there’s nothing wrong with that. After a shaky start in the US, Jaime found herself making several friends. Life was pretty good for her.
Because of her almost non-existent accent and European descent, no one ever considered that Jaime was an immigrant. Everyone treated her like they would any of their other friends. Sure, they thought Jaime had some odd beliefs and habits and sure, she preferred to dress herself conservatively, often in plain dresses and with very little makeup, but they wrote it off to individuality. To them, Jaime obviously didn’t know better and needed some gentle guidance to be more “normal,” which they were all to happy to provide. This upset Jaime. After all, the people she saw as peers were so easily dismissing her values and beliefs as mere personality quirks. One day, Jaime had tried to explain to her friends that she was not American, like they believed and instead she hailed from a European country with a rich history and culture of its own. This didn’t work out quite the way Jaime had hoped as her friends all chimed in that their ancestors were also European and thus the norm continued.
Eventually, Jaime would graduate from high school. Being quite studious, she was easily admitted into a local university, though could not get any scholarships and had to rely on student loans. Jaime’s friends were also admitted to her university. Deciding to live on-campus with two of her closest friends, Jaime’s life as an adult had begun.
Life independent of her mother was very different for Jaime. Living with her friends was nice, she supposed. It got her away from her mother whom she felt was overbearing and overprotective. After a few quarters though, Jaime noticed that her grades were beginning to slip and she was having difficulty keeping her temper in check. She also noticed that living with her friends wasn’t as nice as she thought it’d be. Her friends would often invite their boyfriends to stay overnight with them. This made Jaime very uncomfortable as to her the sorts of behavior were very scandalous in her country of origin, but she didn’t dare speak out, since her roommates were apparently okay with the way things were and was quite normal if the other women on television were of any indication. Jaime herself had a boyfriend, but she would never dare to do the things her friends would; it just wasn’t proper after all.
As time moved on, Jaime found herself comparing her life in the US with the one she led and would hear about when she was in her home country. These comparisons only served to make Jaime more miserable and often she vented and raged to her mother about it. Her mother was appalled at her roommates’ behavior and told Jaime quite bluntly what she thought of them. For some reason, even though Jaime agreed, this only served to anger her further and she often shouted at her mother for saying such things about her friends.
The stress that Jaime continued to build and build as the days went by. It seemed she was on a hair trigger, these days, and would snap at the smallest perceived slight against her. Jaime found herself dreading her weekly calls or visits to her mother as they would inevitably fight and argue with one another. Jaime soon found herself extremely anxious all the time. She noticed that everyday, when she looked in the mirror, that she could not recognize the person who looked so sadly back at her.
Debrief
This Jaime’s case is an interesting one as she does not quite conform to what people typically perceive as someone who is bicultural. Why is this? One explanation is perhaps because we are highly sensory-dependent creatures. We rely on our primary senses to tell us information about the world around us. The classic idiom of, “If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck,” is perhaps the best way to conceptualize this notion. Our senses take in information amazingly quickly. And, perhaps just as quickly, we compare what our senses tell us to situations we have encountered in the past and decide what to do. In this case, we see young Jaime: a young Caucasian woman who by all respects, could blend into a crowd of other Caucasian adults with little issue. Certainly Jaime’s friends didn’t see anything outlandishly different about her and treated her just like they would with any of their other friends. And yet, this still upset her.
Jaime’s changed behavior is also something worth noting. Although unintentional, Jaime’s heritage culture was being challenged. The mainstream culture did not acknowledge her diversity and chose instead to define her as a just another “duck.” Her friends also treated her just as they would anyone else, but why did this upset her? Overall, the current belief is that it is better for us to treat all races equally, and Jaime was given a leg up on this as her appearance and accent allowed her to blend in almost perfectly; yet she was still disturbed and upset by all of this.
Questions to Consider
- Put yourself into Jaime’s shoes:
- Why is Jaime having such a difficult time being treated as an equal?
- Think of a core belief that you have; one that you hold to be dear and true. Got it? Good, now imagine yourself in a situation where everyone around you saw it as a quirk. How would you react?
- Why would Jaime get angry at her mother for agreeing with the decision she herself had made about her friends?
- Imagine you met Jaime. Here’s this woman who looks just like any young, White, American woman does, speaks just like any other American would, but behaves subtly different than any other American would. What would your reaction to her be?
- Now Jaime has told you she emigrated from a European country in her teens, what would be different?
- A question asked in the debrief is worth reconsideration: Why do you think Jaime was upset her friends treated her as an equal?
- There’s a term out there that’s generally called “color-blindness.” Now this isn’t color-blindness as in the physical condition, but essentially states that all races should be treated equally. While this is a noble theory, why doesn’t this work as well in today’s society?
Meet Jaime. Jaime is a 20-year old European woman born and raised for most her life in a small Scandanavian town. She and her mother immigrated to the United States when Jaime was in her late teens. Her mother divorced when Jaime was still but 5-years old. Jaime’s accent is so light, that it is almost impossible for anyone to hear it when she speaks English. The only clue to her foreign heritage is the occasional odd slip in grammar. Jaime doesn’t remember much of her father except for what her mother has told her about him. They do not keep in touch and Jaime feels that there’s nothing wrong with that. After a shaky start, Jaime found herself making several friends. Life was pretty good for her.
Because of her light accent and European decent, no one ever considered that Jaime was an immigrant. Everyone treated her like they would any of their other friends. Sure, they thought Jaime had some odd beliefs and habits and sure, she preferred to dress herself conservatively, but they wrote it off to individuality. Jaime obviously didn’t know better and needed some gentle guidance to be more “normal.” This upset Jaime. After all, the people she saw as peers were so easily dismissing her values and beliefs as mere personality quirks. One day, Jaime had tried to explain to her friends that she was not American, like they believed, and instead she was Scandanavian. This didn’t work out quite the way Jaime had hoped as her friends all chimed in that their ancestors were also European, and thus the norm continued. Eventually, Jaime would graduate from high school. Being quite studious, she was easily admitted into a local university, though could not get any grants and had to rely on student loans. Jaime’s friends were also admitted to her university. And, along with two of her closest friends, decided to live together on campus.
Life independent of her mother was, to say the least, different for Jaime. Living with her friends was nice, she supposed. It got her away from her mother whom she felt was overprotective. After a few years though, Jaime noticed that her grades were beginning to slip and she was having difficulty keeping her temper in check. She also noticed that Living with her friends wasn’t as nice as she thought it’d be. Her friends would often invite their boyfriends to stay overnight with them. This made Jaime very uncomfortable, but she didn’t dare speak out, since her roommates were apparently okay with the way things were. As time moved on, Jaime found herself comparing her life in the U.S. with the one she led and would hear about when she was in her home country. These comparisons only served to make Jaime more and more miserable and often she vented and raged to her mother about it. Her mother was appalled at her roommates’ behavior and told Jaime quite bluntly what she thought of them. For some reason, even though Jaime agreed, this only served to anger her further and she often shouted at her mother for saying such things about her friends.
The stress that Jaime continued to build and build as the days went by. It seemed she was on a hair trigger, these days, and would snap at the smallest perceived slight against her. Jaime found herself dreading her weekly calls or visits to her mother as they would inevitably fight and argue with one another. Fearful of how she found herself not recognizing the person she had become, she sought counseling at her university’s health clinic.
Jaime was quite anxious going into counseling. She had never done anything like this before and was afraid that her counselor would not understand her. At first, Jaime did not speak much and kept the conversation between her and her counselor to superficial matters. Eventually, she got to talking about her past and she told her counselor that she was an immigrant. The counselor was a bit taken back. Jaime didn’t look like an immigrant and she didn’t really speak like someone who lived in another country for most of her life. The counselor let Jaime know of this surprise and unwittingly changed the dynamic of their sessions from then on. Jaime reaction was to…
Debrief
This Jaime’s case is an interesting one as she does not quite conform to what people typically perceive as someone who is bicultural. Why is this? One explanation is perhaps because we are highly sensory-dependent creatures. We rely on our primary senses to tell us information about the world around us. The classic idiom of, “If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck,” is perhaps the best way to conceptualize this notion. Our senses take in information amazingly quickly. And, perhaps just as quickly, we compare what our senses tell us to situations we have encountered in the past and decide what to do. In this case, we see young Jaime: a young Caucasian woman who by all respects, could blend into a crowd of other Caucasian adults with little issue. Certainly Jaime’s friends didn’t see anything outlandishly different about her and treated her just like they would with any of their other friends. And yet, this still upset her.
Jaime’s changed behavior is also something worth noting. Although unintentional, Jaime’s heritage culture was being challenged. The mainstream culture1 did not acknowledge her diversity and chose instead to define her as a just another “duck.” Her friends also treated her just as they would anyone else, but why did this upset her? Overall, the current belief is that it is better for us to treat all races equally, and Jaime was given a leg up on this as her appearance and accent allowed her to blend in almost perfectly; yet she was still disturbed and upset by all of this.
Questions to Consider
· Put yourself into Jaime’s shoes:
o Why is Jaime having such a difficult time being treated as an equal?
o Think of a core belief that you have; one that you hold to be dear and true. Got it? Good, now imagine yourself in a situation where everyone around you saw it as a quirk. How would you react?
o Why would Jaime get angry at her mother for agreeing with the decision she herself had made about her friends?
· Imagine you met Jaime. Here’s this woman who looks just like any young American woman does, speaks just like any other American would, but behaves a bit differently than any other American would. What would your reaction to her be?
o Now Jaime has told you she emigrated from a European country in her teens, what would be different?
· What do you think Jaime’s reaction was to the counselor telling her she was surprised to learn Jaime was not born in America?
· A question asked in the debrief bears reconsideration: Why do you think Jaime was upset her friends treated her as an equal?
· There’s a term out there that’s generally called “color-blindness.” Now this isn’t color-blindness as in the physical condition, but essentially states that all races should be treated equally. While this is a noble theory, why doesn’t this work as well in today’s society?
1 Just as an aside, when I wrote this, I couldn’t help but feel as if I were standing on a soap box; challenging and questioning society as a whole. This was not my intention but still makes for a nice bit of imagery, doesn’t it?